I wasn’t sure what I would write this blog about, there are so many things happening for Kelvin and I at the moment that I actually wasn’t sure which topic to base this blog about. For example; we have our wedding next summer, so many things to plan and so many decisions to make! Our new home, we have finally found our forever home! It’s been a long and somewhat stressful journey to get to this point but we finally got there! Along with career projects and Milestones with Evie, its safe to say were keeping busy!
My stomach is churning as I write this, I decided I need to be honest, not only about the highs in life but also the lows. In todays society we such a distorted view of Celebrities, Bloggers and also our colleagues lives, distant families lives and maybe even the life of the family down the street. Not many people let you see the struggles, the unfiltered selfies that didn’t make the cut or the other things that aren’t ‘Insta worthy’. When I started this blog I thought I would not only document the exciting parts but maybe some of the parts that aren’t so great, I want to keep it real to who I am and what we experience.
So here goes. A few weeks ago we discovered we were expecting another baby, I can’t tell you how excited we were. It came at the perfect time and we couldn’t have felt happier. Unfortunately, soon after we found out, sadly I had bleed and we lost the baby.
I feel silly even referring to it as a baby as we were really early in the pregnancy and had not yet had a scan but I did grieve and I did feel like I had lost something very special. I feel it is such a cruel twist of fate to get such happy news and then have it taken away. Just like that. No explanation. We had been out for dinner to celebrate, told our families and I had told a couple of my friends. When I started to bleed I did hold out some hope, we had a bleed early on with Evie and everything was ok. I have been told bleeds in early pregnancy are quite common so was hoping this would be the case. Unfortunately, it carried on the whole next day and then continued for a few days.
On the first day of the bleed, after ringing 111 for advice, I went to the out of hours’ doctors. I was met with a doctor (?) I’m not sure if he was a doctor but he saw me anyway. He flatly told me “It sounds like you’ve had a miscarriage” I was confused and upset and felt it was wrong of him to diagnose me at that point with no medical back up. At this stage the bleed was similar to what I experienced with Evie so I headed home angry & upset. I really wanted him to be wrong. I felt he showed no compassion with his words. To hear those words is not easy for anybody and he could have referred me or at least given me a website or leaflet to take home and digest!
I think the hardest thing was the week after, I still had pregnancy symptoms and despite the loss, my morning sickness actually came a couple of days later which felt a massive kick in the teeth. I had the morning sickness for 3 days and every time I felt that wave of sickness it took me right back to how I felt when I was pregnant with Evie, waves of nostalgia and also sadness that this time it wasn’t meant to be.
One of the most frustrating things of all was the timing of this would have been so perfect to give us time to enjoy with our new baby before the wedding prep began, I think now plans for a second baby will have to go on hold till after our wedding now. We hoped to have our children close together but sadly things don’t always go to plan, I’m a firm believer in things happening for a reason. It wasn’t the right time and clearly my body knew that something wasn’t quite right. Right now we are moving forward and looking forward to the exciting things we have planned. Kelvin has been brilliant, he too was so looking forward to having another baby, but like he says it just wasn’t the right time for us this time. We are so lucky and grateful to have our beautiful healthy little Evie and she gives us so much joy and love every day. i’m sure our time will come to have another baby in the future.
I’ve added a couple of links below in case anybody reading this needs any support with any issues raised on this post.
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